[:101: Oh yeah.]

Hi, Mattie, buddy.
*looks at Paul*
Is it that time again?
The days are just flying by.
*laughs*
Let's do this!

[::naughty:]

-::omgno:-
NOOOO.
NO NO NO.
-hides face-

-looks at Leah-
I believe our little Matthew is full of raging hormones.
-::XD:-
He's having... thoughts.
That I keep seeing.
-facepalm-

-::twitch:-

[;wiggle]

*trying not to laugh*
Oh, really?
And these thoughts, do they include anyone we know?
Like, say, a really pretty little girl he's imprinted on?

[::tehe:]


-fake gasp-
How did you know?!
It's like you can read my mind!
Yes, they include Miss Cullen.
-::tehe:-

-groans-
Dad, please.
Don't.
-::twitch:-

*shakes her head*
It's a gift and a curse.
*looks at Mattie*
Don't worry.
It's probably nothing compared the massive porn fest going through the guys' heads back in the day.
*shudders*
So, how bad was it?

-shrugs-
Not that bad.
Just the typical frustrated teenage boy type thoughts.
-::XD:-
I'm sure you're familiar with those, Leah.

-facepalms-
Oh my god.
If you're going to give me "the talk" or something, then please get it over with.
I want some dignity left when I go home.

Ah, I see.
*nods*
That I am.
*looks at Mattie*
*blinks*
I didn't even think of that.
But we should have "the talk" soon. And when's a better time than right now?

Oh god.
Okay, I'm listening.
-::twitch:-
Let's get this over with, people.

-::XD:-
Oh, this shall be amusing.
You can start, Leah, because I decided.
-::coffee:-

*smiles*
It'll be okay, Mattie.
*::grr: at Paul*
Thanks, Paul.
*turns back to Mattie*
Okay, considering who your parents are, I bet you know some basic stuff already.
I just wanna tell you that it's okay to have those thoughts and feelings because that's part of growing up.
But it's also okay to wait until you're older to act on those feelings.
Paul, anything you wanna add to that?

-looks at Leah-
Why, yes.
Yes I have.
-clears throat-
Don't have sex.
Because Nessie will get pregnant.
And die.
Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up...
Just don't do it.

-::omgno:-
What the...
LIES!
ALL LIES!
LEAH'S PREGNANT AND SHE'S NOT DEAD!
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!

[I be jealous son.]

-grins-
-wraps arms around Leah's waist-
-kisses her cheek-
Hey.

[::lmfao: Joanie, you're here just in time.]

*smiles*
Hey, Jake.
You're here just in time to listen to us give Mattie the talk.
*::facepalm:*
And it's going exactly how I expected it to.
*looks at Mattie*
Your dad has it partially right. In a way. Well, no, nevermind him.
Our point is that you and Nessie don't have to do anything sexual any time soon.

-eyes widen-
Oh dear Lord.
-gets up and walks into the kitchen-
I am so not taking part in this.

[::lmfao: MY TIMING IS WIN!]

-looks absolutely horrified-
...
I don't even...

-::XD:-
I enjoy moments like these.
-looks at Leah-
"Don't have to do anything sexual."
Well, you threw that to the wind a long time ago.
-::lmfao:-
-looks at Jake-
NOOO, COME BACK.
YOU MUST PARTICIPATE.

-shakes head-
No way in hell.
He's your son.
You do it.